On Conversing With Cats

On some occasion you just may find yourself in the position to converse with a cat. There are numerous types of conversations you can have, but for now we shall look at two.

First, let us look at the three in the morning conversation, in which the cat appears at the window or near their person’s bed:   

Cat: Mew. Mew.

(Translation: Hello, I’m awake. What are you doing?)
Person: Mmmm…..no, go away cat.
Cat: Miaow. (followed by some poking at the person or scratching at the window screen)
(Translation: Oh good, you’re up!)
Miaow. MIAOW!
(Translation: You must not have heard me. I said, oh good, you’re up!)
Person: No, I’m not getting up. Stop it.

This may continue for awhile in a similar manner until the cat comes to the conclusion the time has come to resort to a more direct action.

Cat: Miaow. Miaow. Miaow.

(Translation: You aren’t responding very well. Let me help you wake up.)

 *SCRATCH/RIP/CRASH*

Person: (now out of bed) NO! Stop! What are you doing?

Cat: Miaow. Purrrr. Miaow.
(Translation: Oh, that? It was an accident. See, you really did want to get out of bed and now that you’re up you can talk to me.)

Most people do not favor this cat conversation.

Second, there is the conversation you might have with a cat who has perched on a place higher than you resulting in the feeling that you are part of the Tenniel illustration of Alice and the Cheshire Cat. In this sort of conversation the person is generally requesting the cat come down. Of course, the cat may have other ideas about this.

Person: Here kitty, kitty. Come down off the roof.

Cat: Miaow.
(Translation: Hello. The top of your head is lovely. Have you any fish down there?)
Person: Come on, come down.
Cat: Miaow.
(Translation: No? How about some chicken?)
Person: Come down and get some food.
Cat: Miaow. Miaow.
(Translation: I smell nothing. Prove it.)   

At this point the conversation can go in several directions, some examples being: 1) Person gets food to bribe cat with, cat comes down, conversation ends. 2) Person does not bring food and decides cat will come down when hungry, conversation ends. 3) Person panics, gets a ladder, gets up on roof or in tree, and then finds that during the process the cat has already gotten down. Cat meows a bit, questioning why you’re up on the roof when it isn’t.

And thus, you are well on your way to conversing with cats. ♥