On Emptying Crumbs From The Toaster

There comes a time in every toaster owner’s life when they will find that their toaster is in need of a crumb emptying. For some, this time will come sooner, and, for others later, dependent on how often the toaster is used, the degree of crumbliness of the food item having been toasted, and how often things come out burnt.

The task itself, while seemingly simple, can be accompanied by many difficulties and should not be attempted by those with a weak constitution. To begin with, the effortless unplugging of the toaster leads the emptier to believe that they are in control. However, the toaster has other plans to try to thwart this innocent being! One finds that the cord has suddenly become a snake, coiling in the most annoying fashion around whatever object it can catch hold. A quick yank is found to do no good other than forming a distinct tangle that looks as though it will never come undone. And upon staring at said tangle, the discovery that somehow other kitchen appliance cords have become ensnared with the toaster cord is made. Placing the toaster back on the counter, the individual proceeds with great care to separate the correct cord.

While engaged in the untangling of the cord, the individual with pets will have gained an audience who is most intent on finding out what is going on, so intent, in fact, that they stand right where the individual who has finally untangled the cord is going to step. At this point the individual quickly learns the skill of juggling while trying not to step on the excited pet who thinks it all a game and great fun to bat at the cord or to try get at the toaster. For the individual lacking in pets or who is an owner of a pet who is uninterested in such curious happenings, objects such a broom, a misplaced skate, or some other item that is not supposed to be there, will result in a similar experience. In either case, after completing their balancing act and getting the pet(s) under control the individual lets out a sigh of relief upon finally reaching the sink.

Feeling rather proud of themselves, the individual going to turn the toaster upside down or opening the bottom catch to empty the crumbs finds that there are now very few to empty contrary to the amount at the start of the ordeal. Upon turning to put the toaster back in its designated place, the individual finds that they have left a trail of crumbs that would have made Hansel and Gretel proud. Of course, this now leads to the need for a broom or vacuum, but the task they set out to complete has been accomplished. ♥   

On Conversing With Cats

On some occasion you just may find yourself in the position to converse with a cat. There are numerous types of conversations you can have, but for now we shall look at two.

First, let us look at the three in the morning conversation, in which the cat appears at the window or near their person’s bed:   

Cat: Mew. Mew.

(Translation: Hello, I’m awake. What are you doing?)
Person: Mmmm…..no, go away cat.
Cat: Miaow. (followed by some poking at the person or scratching at the window screen)
(Translation: Oh good, you’re up!)
Miaow. MIAOW!
(Translation: You must not have heard me. I said, oh good, you’re up!)
Person: No, I’m not getting up. Stop it.

This may continue for awhile in a similar manner until the cat comes to the conclusion the time has come to resort to a more direct action.

Cat: Miaow. Miaow. Miaow.

(Translation: You aren’t responding very well. Let me help you wake up.)

 *SCRATCH/RIP/CRASH*

Person: (now out of bed) NO! Stop! What are you doing?

Cat: Miaow. Purrrr. Miaow.
(Translation: Oh, that? It was an accident. See, you really did want to get out of bed and now that you’re up you can talk to me.)

Most people do not favor this cat conversation.

Second, there is the conversation you might have with a cat who has perched on a place higher than you resulting in the feeling that you are part of the Tenniel illustration of Alice and the Cheshire Cat. In this sort of conversation the person is generally requesting the cat come down. Of course, the cat may have other ideas about this.

Person: Here kitty, kitty. Come down off the roof.

Cat: Miaow.
(Translation: Hello. The top of your head is lovely. Have you any fish down there?)
Person: Come on, come down.
Cat: Miaow.
(Translation: No? How about some chicken?)
Person: Come down and get some food.
Cat: Miaow. Miaow.
(Translation: I smell nothing. Prove it.)   

At this point the conversation can go in several directions, some examples being: 1) Person gets food to bribe cat with, cat comes down, conversation ends. 2) Person does not bring food and decides cat will come down when hungry, conversation ends. 3) Person panics, gets a ladder, gets up on roof or in tree, and then finds that during the process the cat has already gotten down. Cat meows a bit, questioning why you’re up on the roof when it isn’t.

And thus, you are well on your way to conversing with cats. ♥